Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
