we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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