Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
