I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
