That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
