Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
