gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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