The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
