I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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