I CAN MOONWALK!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
