When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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