you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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