I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
