Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
