You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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