he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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