I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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