i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
