alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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