So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
