shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
wow bdsm is so cute
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
