Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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