I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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