I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
