i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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