At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
