The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
