Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
