Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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