Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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