Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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