I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
