Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
