just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
