Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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