Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
