the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
