what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
