You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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