she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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