Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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