Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
