goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
