Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
