Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't put those talents on a resume
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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