btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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