you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
