last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
