Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
