I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
