My underwear smells like fireworks.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
