I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
