As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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